[be] celebratory

One of my favorite birthday parties was when I was turning four years old and my entire class showed up to my McDonalds birthday party (remember when that was a thing?) and each guest brought me a Barbie doll, because that’s all I wanted. I ended up with what felt like hundreds (although more likely 20) Barbie dolls and accessories and I was the happiest. 

I continued to have a few large birthday parties, but they slowly tapered off as I got older. I don’t think it was because my family didn’t care about celebrating my birthday anymore. I think it was a combination of 1) not wanting to spend money excessively for something I was finding unnecessary – what was so special about turning another year? Especially when it was like turning 17 years old. And 2) The cultural differences between the kinds of parties my friends were having and the ones my parents were used to having when they were growing up, clashed. 

While I didn’t mind no longer having these large or more elaborate parties for myself, I began struggling with the idea of celebrations as a whole. What was the point of spending all this time, money and energy for this one event that really is just like any other day? For others however, I didn’t mind spending whatever time, money (within budget reason), and energy needed to celebrate. It was a strange disconnect between what I grew up understanding and believing for myself and my family and for those of my friends.* 

When it came time to plan my own wedding, my struggle with celebrations came on full display. I saw the Pinterest boards, wedding magazines, and Instagram feeds filled with these stunning weddings and part of me deeply wanted that. I wanted the bouquet that would overflow out of my hands, the dress that cost more than a couple hundred dollars, the venue and reception with so many garlands and greenery draping, and etc. But the other part of me struggled to see why any of those things were important, when the most important bit was getting to marry my best friend. I didn’t need to spend all this money and time and energy towards just the wedding day, when really I wanted to be planning for a marriage. 

This isn’t to say I didn’t love my wedding, I did. And this isn’t to say preparing for a marriage isn’t important, it’s definitely far more important than the wedding planning. But I think I missed the point of the celebration. 

A celebration with all the fancy fluff wasn’t meant to keep focus on the fluff, it was meant to draw attention to what it represents. For a wedding, its marriage; for a birthday party, it’s another year of life lived, lessons learned, growth had, and joy and sorrow experienced. 

A celebration is an opportunity to take inventory for ourselves, to reflect back on what has happened up to the celebration and all that is coming post celebration. It’s a time to focus not on the negative, but on the positives. It’s a chance to practice gratitude and joy for lessons learned, challenges overcome, and victories won. And, it’s a space to gather friends and community and invite others into our lives and celebrate with us. This is what being celebratory is about, not the fancy fluff like I thought. 

If being celebratory is about gratitude, joy, and gathering, then it means I don’t need to always hold all my celebrating for the big crazy moments either or that each celebration needs to be huge and elaborate like a wedding. It means being celebratory and celebrations can come in little packages too. I can celebrate the big things like the launch party with balloon garlands or the little things, like getting a new job and celebrating with nachos from my favorite mom and pop shop. 

I’m still learning how to be celebratory, but I’m embracing the gift it is to celebrate and loving discovering the best ways to celebrate whatever milestone it may be for myself or for others.

What do you love about celebrations? 

*more thoughts for another day