When my husben and I first started telling people we were pregnant, a good number of responses were “oohhh a COVID baby!”
And we totally get the response, because yes, we got pregnant during COVID. But it wasn’t because of COVID we’re having a baby… if that makes sense?
ANYWAYS.
While I haven’t loved being pregnant (see this post about my honest feelings of pregnancy), being pregnant during COVID has been unique to say the least. There have been some positives (yes there are positives!) and some losses. To note, I cannot truly compare the experience to what a more “typical” pregnancy experience might be since this is my first baby. But from what I have heard from other mamas, I can say it’s been different in a myriad of ways.
WORK: Pre-COVID, I was going into work (minus the Kindred & Co. work) a few times each week and traveling every few weekends. However, when the pandemic hit, my work went completely remote. This I considered both a win and a loss. A loss because I missed seeing peoples’ faces and Zoom fatigue is real.
But a win because I could easily hide the all-day sickness from coworkers, friends, students, and others without having to fake it tooo much or feeling the pressure to tell people too soon. Because I didn’t have to travel anywhere for meetings, if one day I felt especially ill, I could literally roll off the couch 10 minutes before a meeting, splash water on my face, and jump onto Zoom without anyone knowing differently. I could wear literally whatever was the most comfortable for that season. Huge win.
And if I felt really bad, I could turn my video off or suggest a phone call instead of Zoom and hide completely that way. Yes, I did this many times calling it Zoom fatigue, which it was, just caused by something different 😉
TRAVEL: I love to travel and explore new places, eat new foods, and try new experiences, creating all sorts of fun memories. However, with COVID, and being considered high-risk for pregnancy, travel was pretty much out of the question. This was a loss. Not because we had huge grand plans to galavant all across the world (although there was talk of an anniversary trip to Ireland), but because travel is how we connect with family or friends we don’t often see.
This past year will be the first year we have not seen my family at all (typically we try to see them at least once or twice a year), including my sister who is only a few hours away. We missed my sister-in-law’s first baby (the first grandchild on that side of the family). And while we are so grateful to still connect over technology, there has been a loss with travel that goes beyond “just the fun of it.”
This I know is also not an experience only reserved for pregnant individuals, but is really an experience we have all felt this past year. We have all missed getting to see beloved family and friends to the capacity we would normally enjoy. I also want to acknowledge that being able to travel (to see family or what not) in general is a privilege we do not take for granted.
RELATIONSHIPS: I am fortunate enough to be in a living situation where I get to live with my best friend/husben and also with close friends. In early 2020 this looked like another married couple, but now it’s with two other dear single friends. This has helped immensely in a pandemic season where isolation and loneliness have sky rocketed in our society. And has been an incredible support during the pregnancy when other friends and family have not been able to share in the pregnancy as up-close as we, or they, would desire.
While I aspired to keep everyone up-to-date with bump photos and cute blog post updates, that just did not happen. Partially because of low energy or difficulty processing the transition and changes, but also because most days I didn’t feel like getting dressed enough for a photo. Amplified because of the pandemic and the fact that there was almost no reason to get dressed once the work season ended. Oops.
APPOINTMENTS: One of the joys of being pregnant is getting to experience this whole new transition and adventure with my best friend (my husben). He has been able to be around for most of the significant parts of the pregnancy, but he has missed out on a lot as well. He was allowed in the first doctor’s appointment, but has not been allowed in any other appointment since, including ultrasounds and and seeing the baby’s little heart beat. While we are so grateful for the doctor’s office taking great precautions to ensure the safety of everyone in the clinic, this has been hard. It’s hard to know your partner is missing the big moments of baby’s first ultrasound image and baby’s heartbeat sounds. iPhone cameras are good, but taking a video of a video isn’t great quality. It’s hard to try and preemptively guess what baby decisions will need to be made at a certain appointment, discuss together and come up with a plan before I go into an appointment, hoping I can communicate well the decisions we agreed upon accurately alone.
We are so grateful that our baby girl is healthy, growing well, and that overall the pregnancy has not been met with any complications (beyond COVID). But I cannot imagine what this would be like if there were complications or to hear hard news about your little one without your partner in the room with you. My heart breaks for the women who have to sit through that agony and pain on their own, to have to relay painful information to their partner or to have to make sense of painful information on their own, walking the lonely walk back to the car. I am grateful this is not our story, but think of you if this is yours or is someone you knows story.
PREPARING FOR BABY: Beyond the appointments, there is all this preparation for a baby that you kinda hear about, but maybe don’t realize the extent of which there is to do. From reading/researching to baby classes, to CPR classes, to setting up a nursery, to finding a pediatrician, etc. There’s a lot. And as a Type A, heavy on the “I have to know everything before I make a decision” kinda person, this would usually be a very overwhelming process for me.
However, a bonus of COVID has been that because so many things have been cancelled or have gone virtual (removing travel time to events), there has been an increase in time I get to spend working and researching to my Type A’s heart’s content. And at a speed and pace that feels manageable and doesn’t border on information overload, for myself or my husben (who’s capacity to research/read is less than mine).
It has also meant that we have gotten to spend a lot more time dreaming and designing a nursery space that feels special and beautiful.
We have also been blessed to have incredible friends who have loved us and celebrated us with the most beautiful and encouraging virtual baby shower we could imagine. I definitely felt an initial loss of not being able to hug friends or family, or have them in person, but the bonus of having a virtual shower is so many more loved ones could attend that may not have otherwise been able to with travel, distance, other commitments, family, etc.
So what has being pregnant in COVID been like?
A blessing and a hardship. If you have friends who are pregnant in this season, I would encourage you to reach out to them and see how they’re doing. It can be both the most joyful, but also incredibly lonely time.
PS: Stay tuned for another blog post of the nursery and some questions/answers about more fun/joyful things regarding pregnancy 🙂